Josh's Law for predicting political outcomes:
Assume the worst-case scenario. You will always be rewarded, either with the satisfaction of being right, or the pleasant surprise of exceeded expectations. Usually the former.
Example 1. John Kerry will be the Democratic Party nominee for presidential candidate.
As a bonus: Josh's Law for evaluating conspiracy theories: Assume stupidity until malevolence can be established. Even when it can, you'll rarely have cause to regret the stupidity assumption.
Example 2. The (second) Bush administration: both stupid and evil.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
One More Reason
To love Howard Dean. From Tapped: "The Deans are a couple who met in a neuroanatomy class."
Aren't I always sayin' brains is sexy?
(the link is worth reading, btw: a case for why having a nerd president might be a good idea)
To love Howard Dean. From Tapped: "The Deans are a couple who met in a neuroanatomy class."
Aren't I always sayin' brains is sexy?
(the link is worth reading, btw: a case for why having a nerd president might be a good idea)
Sunday, January 25, 2004
Frostbitten for Dean
Went to a rally for Hoho preceding this event. It was pretty fun, but GAT DAMN was it cold. There was a lot of "Jumping Dean" and "Hop for Howard" calls among the cheers to keep the old toes from freezing off, and at one point I ran into a nearby building and jammed my toes inbetween the blades of a classroom radiator to get some feeling back. The forum itself was quite good, and I have to say, Dean is just SO many heads above any candidate I've ever seen before. It'll be a cryin' shame if the stupid-assed media succeeds in driving him out of the race.
Went to a rally for Hoho preceding this event. It was pretty fun, but GAT DAMN was it cold. There was a lot of "Jumping Dean" and "Hop for Howard" calls among the cheers to keep the old toes from freezing off, and at one point I ran into a nearby building and jammed my toes inbetween the blades of a classroom radiator to get some feeling back. The forum itself was quite good, and I have to say, Dean is just SO many heads above any candidate I've ever seen before. It'll be a cryin' shame if the stupid-assed media succeeds in driving him out of the race.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Dear Democratic Iowa Voters:
I heard a lot of you interviewed last night and this morning in the wake of the surprising caucus results yesterday. The sentiment that the media seemed to capture in these interviews was that you were most concerned with finding a candidate who could beat George W. Bush in the general election. I gather that because of all the soundbites with Iowans saying, "I just want someone who can beat Bush." I agree! We should be very concerned about beating George W. Bush, because after four more years of his administration, we're going to be in very serious trouble.
Apparently, a majority of you thought John Kerry has the best chance of beating George W. Bush, since you gave him the most delegates. Good thinking! Because, you know how the American voter is - always making decisions on silly things like looks and style. A candidate who looks and sounds like Boris Karloff in zombie drag will definitely win the hearts of the American voter! American voters aren't just about superficial stuff, though, because they care about integrity. I know this because I heard a Republican Iowa caucus-goer (who no one on Earth but that dern liberal-biased media cares about since the Republican caucus doesn't mean anything to anyone this year) interviewed, and she said, "President Bush has proven his integrity." That's why he's so popular! And that's why John Kerry is the man to beat him, because he's proven his integrity, too. He proved it by basing his early career on his courageous protests against an expensive and pointless war, sold to Americans with lies, and then courageously voting to approve George W. Bush's pursuit of an expensive and pointless war, sold to Americans with lies. We've got our man!
Apparently many of you also felt that John Edwards was the man to beat George W. Bush. And I think you're on to something, you shrewd Iowans! He's pretty, no doubt about that, and American voters like 'em pretty. I mean, I know I do. He has nice hair, too. Bill Clinton had nice hair. I know because the media used to like to talk about it all the time. He spent a lot of money on his haircuts and even brought the Los Angeles airport to a standstill having an expensive haircut on Air Force One. Okay, he didn't actually, but that dern liberal-biased media didn't want to spoil our fun by telling us the truth. Anyway, John Edwards sure is pretty and has pretty hair. He's Southern, too, and all of our presidents have to be Southern now. That was a condition of surrender when the South lost the Civil War. George W. Bush knows this and that's why he pretends to be from Texas when he's really from Connecticut. He's smart. So is John Edwards, which is why he's really a man to beat Bush. I'm sure his advantages of prettiness and Southernness -- real Southernness! -- will be enough to outweigh his disadvantages of not having any money or campaign organization. Because everybody knows that money and organization aren't really that important in modern American politics. Especially when you're pretty!
So, I just wanted to write you Democratic Iowans and say: Good job! Nice Work! Now you can go back to all your farm chores and stop fucking up my election.
Love,
Josh
P.S. I am never eating corn again. -J.
P.P.S. Nobody's taken ethanol seriously as an alternative energy source for decades, so let's just call it what it is -- welfare -- and call you what you are: barnyard-smellin' welfare queens in coveralls. Okay, thanks again! xxooj
I heard a lot of you interviewed last night and this morning in the wake of the surprising caucus results yesterday. The sentiment that the media seemed to capture in these interviews was that you were most concerned with finding a candidate who could beat George W. Bush in the general election. I gather that because of all the soundbites with Iowans saying, "I just want someone who can beat Bush." I agree! We should be very concerned about beating George W. Bush, because after four more years of his administration, we're going to be in very serious trouble.
Apparently, a majority of you thought John Kerry has the best chance of beating George W. Bush, since you gave him the most delegates. Good thinking! Because, you know how the American voter is - always making decisions on silly things like looks and style. A candidate who looks and sounds like Boris Karloff in zombie drag will definitely win the hearts of the American voter! American voters aren't just about superficial stuff, though, because they care about integrity. I know this because I heard a Republican Iowa caucus-goer (who no one on Earth but that dern liberal-biased media cares about since the Republican caucus doesn't mean anything to anyone this year) interviewed, and she said, "President Bush has proven his integrity." That's why he's so popular! And that's why John Kerry is the man to beat him, because he's proven his integrity, too. He proved it by basing his early career on his courageous protests against an expensive and pointless war, sold to Americans with lies, and then courageously voting to approve George W. Bush's pursuit of an expensive and pointless war, sold to Americans with lies. We've got our man!
Apparently many of you also felt that John Edwards was the man to beat George W. Bush. And I think you're on to something, you shrewd Iowans! He's pretty, no doubt about that, and American voters like 'em pretty. I mean, I know I do. He has nice hair, too. Bill Clinton had nice hair. I know because the media used to like to talk about it all the time. He spent a lot of money on his haircuts and even brought the Los Angeles airport to a standstill having an expensive haircut on Air Force One. Okay, he didn't actually, but that dern liberal-biased media didn't want to spoil our fun by telling us the truth. Anyway, John Edwards sure is pretty and has pretty hair. He's Southern, too, and all of our presidents have to be Southern now. That was a condition of surrender when the South lost the Civil War. George W. Bush knows this and that's why he pretends to be from Texas when he's really from Connecticut. He's smart. So is John Edwards, which is why he's really a man to beat Bush. I'm sure his advantages of prettiness and Southernness -- real Southernness! -- will be enough to outweigh his disadvantages of not having any money or campaign organization. Because everybody knows that money and organization aren't really that important in modern American politics. Especially when you're pretty!
So, I just wanted to write you Democratic Iowans and say: Good job! Nice Work! Now you can go back to all your farm chores and stop fucking up my election.
Love,
Josh
P.S. I am never eating corn again. -J.
P.P.S. Nobody's taken ethanol seriously as an alternative energy source for decades, so let's just call it what it is -- welfare -- and call you what you are: barnyard-smellin' welfare queens in coveralls. Okay, thanks again! xxooj
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Good News!
This is my favorite news story of the day, and would be even if it didn't feature this sentence:
This is my favorite news story of the day, and would be even if it didn't feature this sentence:
"Well, I haven't won the lottery yet, so I don't figure I'll get that," Moore said as a hot cow brain sandwich cut in half sat on a plate before him.
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Resolutions
I’m a big believer in New Year’s resolutions. Like practically everybody else, I’ve made zillions of them that I didn’t keep past the first week, but occasionally the feeling of hitting the reset button at the start of a new year can have powerful results. I think it was 7 years ago that I made this New Year’s resolution: “I will start the process of applying to graduate school and change my career.” That was a biggie, and I took it seriously, and in a few months, lord willing, I’ll be graduating with my Ph.D.
That same year I started a practice which I continued for several years afterward, but haven’t done recently. I took a 6-week break from all my vices, which at the time were: booze, coffee, cigars, TV, and junk food. The point was not that I had a real problem with any of these, but cutting them all out was a lesson in the place they took in my life. How much time, for instance, did I take making coffee everday, and when was it that I had an urge to drink it? I’ve never watched much TV since then, my interest in cigars is on a slow wane – they’re really nice to be sure, but I just never have time – I’ve never drunk nearly as much coffee as I did then (2 pots a day) although the coffee-making ritual has certainly been a handy avoidance behavior at work sometimes. I have continued, occasionally, to indulge in drink more than is good for me, but my pleasure in doing so declines as my interest in my work increases: you need brains to study brains.
Since I’ve been in grad school, this ritual’s been complicated by two things. One is that my vices are considerably more dear comforts in this environment. Without them, I’ve got precious little goodness going on until I get out of here. The other is that they’re not really vices anymore. The lesson I learned the first few times stuck, basically, and so now my six weeks of abstinence seem like a pointless gesture. The last couple of times I’ve tried it, I reach a point a few weeks in where I’m saying, “Why am I doing this, again? I really want a god damn cup of coffee.” But I’ve really been feeling like I’d like that sense of rebooting again, though, so I’ve given a lot of thought to a big, bad new list of resolutions for 2004. Enough thought that I’m just now ready to get started with ‘em.
And after all that, I’m not going to tell you what they are. C’mon, that stuff is personal. But if you’re wondering, yes, one of them involves this blog.
I’m a big believer in New Year’s resolutions. Like practically everybody else, I’ve made zillions of them that I didn’t keep past the first week, but occasionally the feeling of hitting the reset button at the start of a new year can have powerful results. I think it was 7 years ago that I made this New Year’s resolution: “I will start the process of applying to graduate school and change my career.” That was a biggie, and I took it seriously, and in a few months, lord willing, I’ll be graduating with my Ph.D.
That same year I started a practice which I continued for several years afterward, but haven’t done recently. I took a 6-week break from all my vices, which at the time were: booze, coffee, cigars, TV, and junk food. The point was not that I had a real problem with any of these, but cutting them all out was a lesson in the place they took in my life. How much time, for instance, did I take making coffee everday, and when was it that I had an urge to drink it? I’ve never watched much TV since then, my interest in cigars is on a slow wane – they’re really nice to be sure, but I just never have time – I’ve never drunk nearly as much coffee as I did then (2 pots a day) although the coffee-making ritual has certainly been a handy avoidance behavior at work sometimes. I have continued, occasionally, to indulge in drink more than is good for me, but my pleasure in doing so declines as my interest in my work increases: you need brains to study brains.
Since I’ve been in grad school, this ritual’s been complicated by two things. One is that my vices are considerably more dear comforts in this environment. Without them, I’ve got precious little goodness going on until I get out of here. The other is that they’re not really vices anymore. The lesson I learned the first few times stuck, basically, and so now my six weeks of abstinence seem like a pointless gesture. The last couple of times I’ve tried it, I reach a point a few weeks in where I’m saying, “Why am I doing this, again? I really want a god damn cup of coffee.” But I’ve really been feeling like I’d like that sense of rebooting again, though, so I’ve given a lot of thought to a big, bad new list of resolutions for 2004. Enough thought that I’m just now ready to get started with ‘em.
And after all that, I’m not going to tell you what they are. C’mon, that stuff is personal. But if you’re wondering, yes, one of them involves this blog.
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