With Deep Regret

After sharing this morning's commute on the L train with a group of teenaged girls talking and laughing loudly, and last night's commute home with a young couple who were teasing, laughing at, and tickling each other over the duration of the ride, and yesterday morning's commute with two schoolboys excitedly recounting stories to their mother, I am sorry to conclude that on the subway, normal and healthy affiliative interactions constitute antisocial behavior.

Thus, my dear fellow New Yorkers, in the future I would ask that while riding the subway, that you please remain in a state of psychic isolation and refrain from reality-testing, gestures of physical affection, and other forms of life-enriching social intercourse until you have exited the train, and ascended the station stairs.

Thank you.