Most Unpleasant Thing Seen Today

There's a men's homeless shelter near the hospital where I work and there are invariably a few ragged-looking guys loitering on the sidewalk outside, pretty much any time of day. This is unnerving when I'm walking home late at night, but I've never had a peep of trouble so I don't think much about it any more. Tonight, though, there was a guy standing on the sidewalk swearing, screaming his head off at a couple of cops who were out of their cruiser, parked nearby. The most unpleasant thing about it was that while he was standing there verbally abusing them with everything he had, the two cops just kind of stood there passively, taking it all in and not getting mad or anything. I've heard homeless people complain about being ignored, but I didn't realize just how hard it must be to get anybody to pay attention to you.

Unintented consequences


Or, great features of city life that lead to un-great features of city life.


1) New York is a walking city. That's a great thing, I love walking, and urbanists often talk up (legitimately) the health benefits of walking as a benefit of city life. Indeed, I have noticed that I do not see as many obese people on the street here as I'm used to seeing in other places I've lived, and I've lost a bit of weight myself since I moved here. There seems to be an unfortunate correlary to this benefit, however: an alarming rate of shavetail among New York's young men. Yes, fit young men who, in another setting, might feature a nice pair of buttocks with which to brighten the scenery, instead have only a disappointing sag in the seat of their pants. They have, it appears, walked their asses clean off. I have become so used to droopy-drawered shavetails being the norm that I scarcely even look anymore, and that IS a shame. If a nice tush WERE to pass by, I'd probably miss it. I have even noticed a few instances of the extremely rare female variant of shavetail, and let me tell you, whereas male shavetail is merely disappointing, female shavetail is downright chilling. One more way in which New York life hardens one's soul, I guess.


2) The smoking ban in restaurants and bars has been in effect in New York City for nearly three years and by most reports has been popular even with smokers. I always kind of thought that people ought to be able to smoke in bars, but I admit that it's pretty nice not to walk into that stinky haze when I go out, and nicer still not to wake up to it the day after on my clothes. Fortunately for me, I am not a nicotine addict, so there was really nothing to lose on my part. But the downside of the smoking ban is that it pushed all those who ARE jonesing for nic out on the sidewalk. And outside of popular bars or nightlife areas, they're all over the sidewalk in big, stinky, loud, drunken messes that block sidewalk traffic. A particular annoyance is this one bar that I pass on the way to my bank. It's apparently a hot spot for singles of the bridge-and-tunnel persuasion who work in midtown. So when I pass by, I not only have to hold my nose against the smoke, but against the similarly smelly spectacle of the mating rituals of bland, midtown yuppies. To make matters worse, scaffolding has recently made it impossible to step into the street to walk around them, so I have to just hold my breath and wade right in.

I Am a Big Fat Racist

And now for some gratuitous racial generalizations:

1) African-American women take the subway stairs slow. Really. Really. Slow.
2) Chinese bicycle delivery guys have a death wish.
3) Young Russian dudes dress like it's still the 80's.
4) Mexican guys really ARE pretty short.
5) Teenagers love their cell phones. Jersey chicks love their cell phones. Japanese and Korean people, I am told, seriously love their cell phones. But I have never seen anybody who loves a cell phone like an orthodox Jew. They got the bluetooth headpiece action and everything.
6) White boys look hella stupid with dreadlocks.
7) Everybody looks hella stupid with fauxhawks.
8) Caribbean ladies talk too damn loud on the subway. I like a Jamaican accent as much as anybody else, but not at 70 db. And the Dominican ladies with the spanish shouting up and down the car, oy. Shut up.
9) Somebody needs to knock the snot out of all those bratty hispanic kids on the south side.
10) I don't think it's just the language difference: Mexican charismatic preachers sound even crazier than white or black charismatic preachers.
11) Black guys are the most likely to monopolize the equipment at the gym.
12) Asian guys are the most likely to look kinda psycho when they're working out at the gym.
13) White guys are the most likely to make annoying grunting noises at the gym.
14) Working-class Italian-Americans conform to stereotype to a disconcerting degree.
15) Jewish girls from Long Island conform to stereotype to a disconcerting degree.
16) White gay guys in Chelsea conform to stereotype to a disconcerting degree.
17) Yemeni grocers are dangerously excitable when the subject of the Saudi royal family comes up.
18) Chinese people make shitty Mexican food. A tip to my Eastern Hombres at the "Tortillas Grill:" I don't know if vegetable enchiladas are an authentic Mexican dish, but if they are, it's a safe bet that the ones in Mexico don't have bok choy or water chestnuts.
19) Puerto Ricans make better bagels than you'd ever imagine. I am serious.
20) I really don't like to contribute to the women/asian drivers stereotype, but I'm willing to admit that the last two times I've been afraid for my life in a car was with a Chinese woman driving. Just sayin'.
21) White people don't take their kids on the subway.
22) Indian people, apparently, don't take the subway at all.