I Am a Big Fat Racist

And now for some gratuitous racial generalizations:

1) African-American women take the subway stairs slow. Really. Really. Slow.
2) Chinese bicycle delivery guys have a death wish.
3) Young Russian dudes dress like it's still the 80's.
4) Mexican guys really ARE pretty short.
5) Teenagers love their cell phones. Jersey chicks love their cell phones. Japanese and Korean people, I am told, seriously love their cell phones. But I have never seen anybody who loves a cell phone like an orthodox Jew. They got the bluetooth headpiece action and everything.
6) White boys look hella stupid with dreadlocks.
7) Everybody looks hella stupid with fauxhawks.
8) Caribbean ladies talk too damn loud on the subway. I like a Jamaican accent as much as anybody else, but not at 70 db. And the Dominican ladies with the spanish shouting up and down the car, oy. Shut up.
9) Somebody needs to knock the snot out of all those bratty hispanic kids on the south side.
10) I don't think it's just the language difference: Mexican charismatic preachers sound even crazier than white or black charismatic preachers.
11) Black guys are the most likely to monopolize the equipment at the gym.
12) Asian guys are the most likely to look kinda psycho when they're working out at the gym.
13) White guys are the most likely to make annoying grunting noises at the gym.
14) Working-class Italian-Americans conform to stereotype to a disconcerting degree.
15) Jewish girls from Long Island conform to stereotype to a disconcerting degree.
16) White gay guys in Chelsea conform to stereotype to a disconcerting degree.
17) Yemeni grocers are dangerously excitable when the subject of the Saudi royal family comes up.
18) Chinese people make shitty Mexican food. A tip to my Eastern Hombres at the "Tortillas Grill:" I don't know if vegetable enchiladas are an authentic Mexican dish, but if they are, it's a safe bet that the ones in Mexico don't have bok choy or water chestnuts.
19) Puerto Ricans make better bagels than you'd ever imagine. I am serious.
20) I really don't like to contribute to the women/asian drivers stereotype, but I'm willing to admit that the last two times I've been afraid for my life in a car was with a Chinese woman driving. Just sayin'.
21) White people don't take their kids on the subway.
22) Indian people, apparently, don't take the subway at all.